


operation: grand rat

by bonjourbun



Category: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Misunderstandings, Texting, everyone is gay probably, everyone is so silly, except Marius
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-17
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-04-01 10:27:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13996317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bonjourbun/pseuds/bonjourbun
Summary: courffee: are u kidding they’re like.. very obviously crushing super hardcourffee: and i have a 5 step plan that will get them together for sure, and i hope the 5 of you will join me on my questcourffee: anyways that’s all thanks for coming to my ted talkorthe gang tries to get enjolras and grantaire together. who are already dating. they're not even hiding it, the gang is just not smart.





	1. Phase 1: Welcome to Bible Study

**Author's Note:**

> hi guys! i hope you like this it's a silly little idea i had and it's not meant to be serious okay. just a classic group chat fic.

 

**Courfeyrac** created a new chat

 

**Courfeyrac** added **Combeferre** , **ep** , **marius christmas** , **lil jean** , and **bawhorel** to the chat

 

**Courfeyrac** named chat **Operation: Grand Rat**

 

**ep:** what the fuck

 

**Courfeyrac:** wait how do you guys change your names

 

**Courfeyrac** changed his name to **courffee**

 

**courffee:** I FIGURED IT OUT

 

**courffee:** get it? like coffee?

 

**marius christmas:** congratulations

 

**courffee:** ALSO BAHOREL CHANGE YOUR NAME operation: grand rat member names must be cute yet classy and bawhorel is neither

 

**bawhorel:** no

 

**ep** left the chat

 

**courffee** added **ep** to the chat

 

**courffee:** no stay! this is important it’s about enj and grantaire

 

**bawhorel:** they’ve been rly fucking annoying lately

 

**lil jean:** i think they’re cute

 

**courffee:** no it’s about that! obvz they’ve been flirting with each other like 24/7 lately so i was thinking.... .. . ..... ... . ..

 

**ep:** are you going to tell us what you were thinking or

 

**courffee:** i have a plan to get them together! 

 

**Combeferre:** courfeyrac no

 

**courffee:** why not? i think it’s a good idea. also you haven’t even heard the plan yet.

 

**Combeferre:** You don’t even know if they actually like each other.

 

**courffee:** are u kidding they’re like.. very obviously crushing super hard

 

**courffee:** they literally use any excuse they can to touch each other

 

**courffee:** and grantaire literally spends the ENTIRETY of each meeting staring at enjolras, and half of the time it’s @ his ass

 

**courffee:** and enj never shuts up about grantaire

 

**courffee:** and have you seen how his face lights up when he gets a text from him ??

 

**courffee:** AND they’ve been arguing WAY less the past few weeks

 

**courffee:** and they’re in general just super clingy

 

**courffee:** also it would make our lives easier because they’d cut all the weird flirty clingy stuff and go back to normal

 

**courffee:** and i have a 5 step plan that will get them together for sure, and i hope the 5 of you will join me on my quest

 

**courffee:** anyways that’s all thanks for coming to my ted talk

 

**marius christmas:** that was surprisingly convincing! good job courfeyrac. i’ll help

 

**courffee:** :-)

 

**bawhorel:** I AM LITERALLY SO ON BOARD WITH THIS

 

**lil jean:** i’ll help! i always thought they would be cute together anyways :’-) and you’re right about them being super flirty lately

 

**courffee:** epsi?

 

**ep:** don’t call me that also i Definitely think we need to get them together but idk lemme hear the plan first

 

**courffee:** not until you pledge your allegiance to the cause

 

**ep:** you sound like enjolras

 

**courffee:** do it!

 

**ep:** fine. i’m in

 

**courffee:** PERFECT OKAY WHAT ABOUT YOU COMBEFERRE?

 

**Combeferre:** you can consider me ‘in’, but only to supervise and to keep you from invading their privacy

 

**courffee:** THIS IS ALREADY GOING SO MUCH BETTER THAN I EXPECTED

 

**bawhorel:** OKAY NOW STOP WITH THE ALL CAPS YOU’RE GIVING ME A HEADACHE

 

**marius christmas:** are you going to tell us the plan now?

 

**courffee:** OH YEAH okay so i found an article called 5 Keys to Building Really Great Relationships my plan is to go step by step and forcing them all onto enjolras and grantaire’s relationship and by the end one of them will definitely ask the other one on a date

 

**courffee:** the asking on a date is technically a hidden 6th step but oh well, anyways alright team step 1 is communication. the idea here is to get them to really CONNECT and talk.

 

**marius christmas:** communication is key

 

**courffee:** exactly! i was thinking we get them to maybe talk about a secret or something, to feel more CONNECTED to each other

 

**jehan:** trust me when i tell you grantaire does NOT take well to trying to get him to open up about things freely

 

**bawhorel:** I guess we’ll just have to force it out of him

 

**Combeferre:** No. enjolras loves to talk about himself, let’s just start with him.

 

**ep:** that is… so true. also that might get grantaire to want to share a secret if he sees enj doing it

 

**courffee:** OK TEAM LET’S DO THIS OPERATION: GRAND RAT, COMMENCE!

 

**ep:** WAIT stop first explain why it’s called operation grand rat

 

**courffee:** ??? grantaire + enjolras = grantulras = grant (ul) ras = grand rat, duh lol

 

**marius christmas:** wait where did the u come from?

 

**courffee:** btw i’m gonna make a gc with all of us + grantulras what should i call it. think: innocent and won’t arise suspicions

 

**courffee:** WAIT NEVERMIND I HAVE THE PERFECT IDEA

 

**courffee:** ALRIGHT EVERYONE FOLLOW MY LEAD

  
  


-

  
  


**courffee** created a new chat

 

**courffee** added **R** , **beautiful enjolras** , **Combeferre** , **ep** , **marius christmas** , **lil jean** , and **bawhorel** to the chat

 

**courffee** named chat **Welcome to Bible Study**

 

**courffee:** hey pals! welcome to bible study :-)

 

**beautiful enjolras:** what

 

**bawhorel:** yay! i’m so excited :-)

 

**lil jean:** :-)

 

**beautiful enjolras:** what is going on

 

**Combeferre:** just ignore them

 

**courffee:** you can ignore me but you can never ignore the word of God

 

**R:** i’m so confused

 

**ep:** honestly just roll with it

 

**ep:** wait

 

**ep:** enj why is your name ‘beautiful enjolras’

 

**beautiful enjolras:** oh that lol idk someone must have gotten my phone and changed it haha

 

**bawhorel:** right

 

**bawhorel:** you can change it back

 

**beautiful enjolras:** maybe later haha

 

**R** changed his name to **enjolras is beautiful**

 

**beautiful enjolras:** :-)

 

**enjolras is beautiful:** :-)

 

**bawhorel:** please die

 

**ep:** oh my god

 

**courffee:** OKAY GUYS even though i like where this is going LET’S GET BACK ON TRACK

 

**courffee:** in today’s bible study we are going to talk about secrets and, more importantly, why you should never keep them. especially from people that you love or are in love with.

 

**lil jean:** secrets, secrets are no fun.

 

**lil jean:** secrets, secrets hurt someone.

 

**courffee:** thank you, jehan. god hates secrets. now as practice, let’s share some. who wants to go first? i would love to hear a secret about maybe a secret crush or hidden undying love

 

**courffee:** grantaire? any secrets?

 

**enjolras is beautiful:** no

 

**lil jean:** i’ll go!

 

**lil jean:** sometimes i record myself singing half of a duet so i can play it back because i don’t have anyone else to sing the other part

 

**marius christmas:** AW

 

**ep:** jehan sometimes u just say things and i feel like i need to hold you forever

 

**lil jean:** noooo it’s not meant to be sad

 

**beautiful enjolras:** that’s definitely a little sad

 

**ep:** are you sure it’s not a cry for help

 

**lil jean:** it might be a cry for a singing partner

 

**Combeferre:** I have a secret

 

**courffee:** OMG

 

**courffee:** what is it!

 

**Combeferre:** I’ve felt like I’ve needed to say this for a long time but it’s never happened and I’ve been living a lie

 

**bawhorel:** oh SHIT

 

**Combeferre:** I’ve never read or seen harry potter

 

**courffee:** WHAT THE FUCK

 

**bawhorel:** this is not exciting news

 

**Combeferre:** I always nod my head and give vague answers in conversation so I could fit in. I’m glad I’ve finally come clean though

 

**courffee:** i feel like i don’t even know you anymore

 

**ep:** MOVING ON

 

**ep:** enjolras, do you have any secrets you’d like to share? :-)

 

**beautiful enjolras:** um

 

**beautiful enjolras:** once 3 people had a crush on me at once it was so embarrassing

 

**beautiful enjolras:** is that a juicy enough secret for you? ;-)

 

**bawhorel:** no

 

**ep:** no

 

**courffee:** OKAY EVERYONE THIS IS GOING NOWHERE

 

**courffee:** let’s shift gears, i want you all to share someone ELSE’S secret. or just like something that the rest of us don’t know

 

**Combeferre:** we are not going to do that

 

**courffee:** oh yes we are

 

**courffee:** okay let’s see epsi you go first

 

**ep:** don’t call me epsi but okay i have one

 

**ep:** the other day when we were leaving the cafe grantaire told me enjolras has a nice ass

 

**Combeferre:** EPONINE

 

**enjolras is beautiful:** that is not even a secret

 

**Combeferre:** oh nevermind

 

**beautiful enjolras:** <3

 

**enjolras is beautiful:** <3

 

**bawhorel:** i’m gonna throw up

 

**courffee:** okay grantaire you got your secret EXPOSED, now you have to tell someone else’s

 

**enjolras is beautiful:** until bahorel was in high school he thought asia was a country

 

**marius christmas:** fkdljsa;fklsad

 

**ep:** dumbass

 

**bawhorel:** die.

 

**lil jean:** your turn bahorel!

 

**bawhorel:** okay um

 

**bawhorel:** enjolras loves boys with dark curly hair :-)

 

**courffee:** FUCKING BRUTAL. EXPOSED

 

**beautiful enjolras:** again… not a secret

 

**beautiful enjolras:** anyways my turn!

 

**beautiful enjolras:** I HAVE ONE

 

**beautiful enjolras:** marius has a Huge crush on cosette

 

**marius christmas:** NO I DON’T

 

**eponine:** yes u do, dick boy

 

**marius christmas:** don’t call me dick boy

 

**courffee:** you guys are getting WAY OFF TRACK. ok end of bible study. great discussion everyone.

 

**lil jean:** i bet jesus is so proud of us :-)


	2. Phase 2: Kiss, Marry, Kick

**Operation: Grand Rat**

 

 **courffee:** i think that went really well!

 

 **ep:** what

 

 **ep:** neither of them even admitted how they felt

 

 **ep:** or anything actually

 

 **marius christmas:** we did get grantaire calling enjolras’ ass nice. also he called him beautiful

 

 **bawhorel:** i s2g if they start dating and don’t cut this sickeningly sweet middle school crush thing i’m going to have to just drop all of y’all i can’t handle it

 

 **lil jean:** it’s not even that bad. it’s cute

 

 **courffee:** well I THINK it went really well and it was definitely a success! now we move on to the 2nd phase of our plan:

 

 **courffee:** quality time

 

 **Combeferre:** Well, they spend a lot of time with each other anyway, so I think they have that covered. Maybe we could skip this step?

 

 **courffee:** no.

 

 **marius christmas:** respect the process, combeferre

 

 **courffee:** okay guys we need ideas for how we can spend QUALITY TIME with each other in the gc.

 

 **lil jean:** we can play a game or something

 

 **bawhorel:** are we in 7th grade

 

 **courffee:** shut up bahorel that is actually a good idea

 

 **courffee:** what game were you think, jehan? 7 player checkers?

 

 **lil jean:** um idk how we could all play checkers in the gc

 

 **ep:** we could play fuck, marry, kill maybe

 

 **courffee:** that is NOT classy.

 

 **courffee:** but i can already see how that could allow for a bit of grantulras…….

 

 **courffee:** how about we make it kiss, marry, kick?

 

 **bawhorel:** you’re ridiculous

 

 **courffee:** OKAY TEAM, KISS MARRY KICK! remember to make sure the 3 names enjolras and grantaire get must include each other

 

 **ep:** i’m still going to say fuck marry kill

 

 **bawhorel:** same

 

 **courffee:** NO

 

 **courffee:** OKAY TEAM LET’S GO 3 2 1 GO TEAM DON’T FORGET TO ACT HAPPY AND NONCHALANT AND FOLLOW MY LEAD

 

-

 

**Welcome to Bible Study**

 

 **courffee** changed chat name to **Kiss, Marry, Kick**

 

 **lil jean:** yay i am so excited!

 

 **bawhorel:** me too, jehan :-)

 

 **beautiful enjolras:** u guys are so weird

 

 **courffee:** WELCOME, EVERYBODY! TO KISS, MARRY, KICK!

 

 **beautiful enjolras:** what is kiss marry kick

 

 **enjolras is beautiful:** i think he means fuck marry kill

 

 **courffee:** NO I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT

 

 **ep:** yes he does

 

 **bawhorel:** grantaire change your name i keep thinking you’re enj

 

 **enjolras is beautiful:**  i'm just speaking the truth also why would enjolras name himself enjolras is beautiful

 

 **beautiful enjolras:** it’s okay my  <3 i can see how it would be confusing for the others

 

 **enjolras is beautiful:** <3

 

 **bawhorel** left the chat

 

 **courffee** added **bawhorel** to the chat

 

 **enjolras is beautiful** changed his name to **R**

 

 **bawhorel:** finally

 

 **courffee:** okay guys let’s get back on track. Epsi, kiss marry kick: me, jehan, and combeferre

 

 **ep:** kill you for calling me epsi

 

 **ep:** fuck ferre and marry jehan

 

 **lil jean:** :’-)

 

 **Combeferre:** thanks

 

 **courffee:** NOT FUCK MARRY KILL

 

 **courffee:** KISS MARRY KICK

 

 **ep:** R, fuck marry kill: enjolras, bahorel, feuilly

 

 **R:** fuck enjolras obviously

 

 **courffee:** WOW

 

 **R:** marry bahorel and kill feuilly mostly bc he’s not here

 

 **courffee:** OKAY GUYS LET’S PAUSE THE GAME I HAVE TO GO WATER MY PLANTS

 

 **beautiful enjolras:** okay

 

-

 

**Operation: Grand Rat**

 

 **courffee:** WHY IS GRANTAIRE BEING SO OBVIOUS

 

 **ep:** idk that’s what i was wondering! he’s doing a terrible job of hiding his feelings

 

 **bawhorel:** i hate them

 

 **courffee:** i didn’t think the plan would go THIS well

 

 **Combeferre:** i mean if it’s going well maybe we should just leave them alone, you know?

 

 **courffee:** NO COMBEFERRE THAT’S NOT WHAT WE’RE GOING TO DO

 

-

 

**Kiss, Marry, Kick**

 

 **courffee:** sorry guys! my tomato vine was a little thirsty

 

 **R:** since when did you have a tomato vine

 

 **beautiful enjolras** : i didn’t even know tomatoes grow on vines

 

 **courffee:** yeah it’s behind my couch you probably haven’t noticed it

 

 **bawhorel:** BACK TO THE GAME

 

 **lil jean:** grantaire i think it’s your turn

 

 **R** : o yeah okay courfeyrac fuck marry kill: me, enj, marius

 

 **courffee:** this is difficult!

 

 **courffee:** i think i’ll definitely kiss enjolras

 

 **R:** watch it

 

 **beautiful enjolras:** :-)

 

 **courffee:** marry marius (haha) and kick you

 

 **marius christmas:** marry marius! i love that!

 

 **ep:** you guys are so lame

 

 **courffee:** okay back to me! enjolras: would you kiss, marry, kick: grantaire, jehan, eponine

 

 **beautiful enjolras:** ok well obviously fuck r

 

 **courffee:** jfkdl;ajksfldkadjfkl;jas

 

 **ep:** … obviously

 

 **R:** ;-)

 

 **beautiful enjolras:** THIS IS TOO HARD

 

 **beautiful enjolras:** okay marry jehan and kill eponine

 

 **beautiful enjolras:** I’M SORRY EP

 

 **ep:** i’m horribly and deeply offended

 

 **beautiful enjolras:** :-(

 

 **lil jean:** okay everybody, i think that’s enough kiss marry kick / fuck marry kill for today! it was a great time :-)

 

 **courffee:** uhhhhhhh

 

 **courffee:** okay ???

 

-

 

**Operation: Grand Rat**

 

 **lil jean:** i’m just going to talk to grantaire for a bit! see where his head is at, maybe it can help us speed this whole thing up!

 

 **marius christmas:** that’s a good idea actually

 

 **Combeferre:** yeah none of us have even really talked to either of them, it would be worth seeing what they think

 

 **courffee:** okay okay but don’t be too obvious!

 

 **lil jean:** okay!

 

 **courffee:** AND DON’T FORGET TO REPORT BACK TO US WITH YOUR FINDINGS

 

 **lil jean:** okay!!!

 

-

 

 **lil jean** to **R**

 

 **lil jean:** hi grantaire

 

 **R:** hi jehan

 

 **lil jean:** crazy game right?

 

 **R:** yeah definitely. absolutely wild.

 

 **R:** does courfeyrac seem weird to you? like the way he’s acting?

 

 **lil jean:** not to me! at all. maybe it’s because of his tomato plant idk

 

 **R:** sure

 

 **lil jean:** so you and enjolras

 

 **R:** what about us?

 

 **lil jean:** you guys sure are close

 

 **R:** i guess you can say that lol

 

 **lil jean:** when you said you would obviously fuck enjolras i was a little surprised honestly! it didn’t really seem like you to be so like

 

 **lil jean:** out there

 

 **lil jean:** with something like that

 

 **R:** ohhh yeah that’s just how we are tbh

 

 **lil jean:** yeah yeah, that’s definitely one way to handle it

 

 **R:** to handle what ?

 

 **lil jean:** oh nothing nothing nothing

 

 **R:** okay

 

 **lil jean:** okay well thanks for the talk! i better get going :-)

 

 **R:** me too, enj is about to be here anyways 

 

 **lil jean:** omg! good luck :-) fingers crossed!

 

 **R:** thanks?

 

 **lil jean:** ;-)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed that! next chapter will have some enjolras and grantaire out of the group chat which is fun. thank you so much for reading!!!

**Author's Note:**

> THANKS FOR READING LOV U phase 2 will be up like sunday probably?


End file.
